brownie. blue and pointy

listening to In Love So Deep by Charice.

Life just made a little turn and sped up at the same time. For the first time i nearly fell asleep in my Maths lecture. This is a bad sign and I nearly broke one of my top amendments. I fed myself generously with gummy bears to stay awake. And no, this time i could not laugh out loud when biting the heads or limbs off. :(

Homework for the weekend looked like a mountain looming over me, casting a mile long shadow. Submission for the second Preliminary Ideas for Project work is to be due on tuesday and so are many other assignments. The amount of work just gets more and more with each passing week. I have to endure this and I kept telling myself that these two years will pass like the wind.

Well for tomorrow, I have an interview for the Youth For Causes project. I'll try my best :) and to God be the Glory, the best is yet to be.

Toodles!

when the sun sets

listening to I'm Yours by The Script

Today I learnt that postponing things that should be done is really detrimental to your ,say success? In any case, today is the first day i tasted the bitterness of failure. I failed myself because i took time for granted.

The History Common Test was supposed to take place at the last block of my lessons today. However, on Sunday, my class rep asked us if we would like to skip our last lesson to support our classmate's rugby match. Hence, I did not touch my history notes at all, thinking that my test will be postponed. And of course, things always turn out differently and our class rep told us this morning that she could not attain the blue slips for dismissal from class.

I knew immediately i was in hot waters. So what can i do but to read through the stack of notes that suddenly seemed so thick. Plowing through the book, a tinge of regret and desperation still managed to hit home despite me suppressing all emotion.

Well, what good result can come off such an unprepared venture? None. I have learnt my lessons. The next History test shall be owned. I promise.

I thank God for letting me fall and through this, i understand the importance of preparing beforehand for uncertainty. It is in His Grace that i can see past my mistakes and forgive myself and rev up my motivation to do better in my upcoming History Test. Dear Lord, I can't thank you enough. Amen.

Time to study for the next test! General Paper! :)


P.s I miss you dear sister! <3

one, two baby steps

listening to I Won't Let You Go by Rascal Flatts

Hands clasped. We will make it together to the endpoint which we envision. This is what i promise and believe.

Many people will think we're just one of those short lived couples who are just plain desperate for each other. All we have to do is just ignore them and love each other like we always do, proving them wrong. Do they know what we have? Do they know what we're sacrificing? Do they know what height of bliss and satisfaction being in each other's company? Do they even see a glimpse of what we see in our future? Do they see the hue of rainbow that is constantly above us? No they don't. And they don't have to. Let them speculate and we smile like idiots at them, the naysayers.

6 months will turn to a year, to a decade, to a lifetime. :) We will be one of the many aging couples walking along the beach holding hands lovingly enjoying the golden years. We will one day in our old age look back to the little notes and pictures and movie tickets that we kept in our little cake-like treasure box and reminisce the youth and beautiful memories. This i promise you.

The months to come will be difficult, with my hectic college activities taking up my time in tandem with your enlistment to National Service. We might not even meet for weeks in worst cases. But we will persevere. For each other's sake and for the future. We both know our commitments and our promises. I will uphold what i promised to you. And i trust you will too.

If i believe if there's anyone that will wait for me for a 5 years or a decade, it will only be you. That is how much i trust you and the depth of faith i have in you.

If there is more things unsaid here, i hope my little beating heart that bears your name will whisper in your ear whenever you think of me. I love you.

Happy 6 Months Anniversary, love.

There could be many ways to say this but the plainest and the best is still the simple "I Love you"

I love you.

little girl, young woman

listening to Fear by One Republic.

Howdy doodle, my dearest sister Nickid!

Firstly I shall congratulate you for coming this far in your life and still keep your perverseness. Happy Birthday to you, dear one.

As your older sister, I can only give you advices based on my experience and knowledge. When I was your age, I had always wished for an older sibling. Isn't it ironic that the eldest sibling always want to be the younger one? In any case, i know I always yearn for advice that can help me when i was still a little girl. I look up to anyone who's older than me literally. While you may be different than me, i believe there are also times when you are in doubt in the search of identity and also when you're facing a setback, be it in school or your relationships. So as your awesome and ever-understanding elder sister, i shall impart some of my maxims which i uphold religiously and has , at some points of my life, made me a better person and a person that i want to become.

1. Be happy with yourself only when you know you have given your best shot. Anything less than your best will haunt you. Literally. :) you know what i mean.

2. Jesus said "Love thy neighbour as thyself". Take this to heart. Treat others how you treat yourself.

3. Guru Chan Zhi Zhi said "PRIORITIZE". When you have one big pile of work to do, make sure you list out which one is the most important and to it first.

4. Shove away temptations. Do not do your maths and english and whatsoever homework with your laptop on and connected to the internet. You know how idle and distracted you are from your work.

5. Treat Mommy and Daddy how you want them to treat you. If you want respect, you have to earn it. If you want freedom, you have to prove that you're worth it.

6. Never argue back at Daddy and Mommy. Try this and see what a major change it can do to your mood and their mood. :) i've tried it and i know the effects.

7. Live everyday like you're dying. Not to mean it literally but you should go to bed every night feeling satisfied with your day. To achieve it would mean you giving your all into making it a day worth living. This may sound really profound and rather adult to you but you should start. :) why don't you experiment one day where you give your best shot in every SINGLE thing you do and see how elated you will feel at the end of the day. :) You will feel the euphoria and bliss fusing your mind and body with warmness. Trust me, i won't lie to you about this.

8. Last but not least, love yourself. There's no way of loving others if you do not love yourself first. :) J.K Rowling said that everyone will experience failures in their lives. What matters most is not how badly you fall but how you react to it and how you bring yourself to overcome it. In the midst of disappointments, remember that you have a family consisting ME, SAM, Mommy and Daddy and all your cousins, aunts, uncles and your big group of buddies, that loves you dearly. If you do not love yourself, you're inflicting pain onto us. So never give up and break down, discouraging yourself and hating yourself. I completely forbid you. :) Just remember what ever you do, just know we love you, for who you are and what a gem you are that owns a place deep in our hearts.


After such a long-winded nagging, I guess i can give you merit if you can read till this far. :) Be a good girl. I love you.

Once again,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NOBODY-CAN-EVER-REPLACE-HER-OR-COME-UP-AGAINST-HER-LEVEL-OF-AWESOMENESS SISTER.

May you have a blessed birthday.

I love you, past, present and future, forever.

Good night dear.

P.s You'll get a handmade card from me when you come!

P.s.s I thank God for giving me a sister that has never fail to love me, even when i have sinned against her and You, dear Lord. I am forever in your gratitude and grace. I would also express my greatest appreciation for Yong Xin's achievement in clinching his dream job. This is all attained by your grace and I am sure he can feel Your love. Please guide him in the plan that You have laid for him and dispel the darkness surounding him. I love you, O Sovereign God. And I pray in Your most precious son's name, Jesus, Amen!

clasp your hands and put it near your heart

listening to Chopin Waltz in b minor, Op. 69, No. 2

What a incredibly busy day. With the swift movement of God's hand, I have already careened past a day. Each day has passed with merciless tempo. Just a moment ago the Mr Sunny was greeting me "Good Morning!" and the next moment Mr Moon popped up with a solemn face reminding me to hit the sack. I sulked silently. The stickies pasted on my wall and lamp commanding me to complete my tasks. Eyelids drooping. Head rocking softly. Switches off.

Welcome to dreamland.

Ding ding dong dong, here comes another year.

I must say this, though a bit cliche, time passed very fast. Godspeed indeed, to quote my good friend. Just like that I've sat the O levels, gotten myself a boyfriend who is able to see the beauty in me [brainwashed much?], gotten my results and with God's grace, enter the prestigious college that i have eyed for since the first year i stepped onto the soil of Singapore. Now I'm no longer called an O level student, but an A level student, Pre-university student, pretty much any name that detaches the roots of secondary school. Thrown into the whirlpool of college life, I take back every complain i have about secondary school life. Free time seems to come at a cost nowadays and it forced me to treasure all those carefree livelihood in secondary school. I would gladly liken college life to a lion. The reigning feline in the forest, the lion is every bit wild and feral. However with the consent of time, even the most ferocious beast can bow down to you, if you have what it takes. And I vow to myself i will do everything i can to have that X factor.

Everyone has their new year resolution planned out at the beginning of the year. Perhaps it is still not to late to lay out mine.

Academically,

1. Pass up EVERY SINGLE tutorial given.
2. Complete EVERY assignment BEFORE deadline,
3. NEVER fall asleep in lecture.
4. ALWAYS ask questions when in doubt.
5. ALWAYS lend a hand to those that needs it.
6. ALWAYS do your best.
7. Enjoy ALL your lessons.
8. Take EVERY TEST as seriously as though you life depends on them.
9. Do CORRECTIONS.
10. Study HARD and review after EVERY CHAPTER.
11. Do NOT fail your tests on purpose. If you failed, that's because you didn't study hard enough.
12. By Mid Year, ACE your exams.
13. PWN EVERYONE else and TOP the cohort.
14. Pray to God, Do you part, and Leave the rest into the hands of God.
15. NEVER GIVE UP!

16. Make it a habit to blog every 2 days. :)

Toodles, peeps!

P.s Gie Mei, when you read this, don't throw spread what i wrote like cheap margarine. *shush* <3 I love you.

Ding ding dong dong, here comes another year.

I must say this, though a bit cliche, time passed very fast. Godspeed indeed, to quote my good friend. Just like that I've sat the O levels, gotten myself a boyfriend who is able to see the beauty in me [brainwashed much?], gotten my results and with God's grace, enter the prestigious college that i have eyed for since the first year i stepped onto the soil of Singapore. Now I'm no longer called an O level student, but an A level student, Pre-university student, pretty much any name that detaches the roots of secondary school. Thrown into the whirlpool of college life, I take back every complain i have about secondary school life. Free time seems to come at a cost nowadays and it forced me to treasure all those carefree livelihood in secondary school. I would gladly liken college life to a lion. The reigning feline in the forest, the lion is every bit wild and feral. However with the consent of time, even the most ferocious beast can bow down to you, if you have what it takes. And I vow to myself i will do everything i can to have that X factor.

Everyone has their new year resolution planned out at the beginning of the year. Perhaps it is still not to late to lay out mine.

Academically,

1. Pass up EVERY SINGLE tutorial given.
2. Complete EVERY assignment BEFORE deadline,
3. NEVER fall asleep in lecture.
4. ALWAYS ask questions when in doubt.
5. ALWAYS lend a hand to those that needs it.
6. ALWAYS do your best.
7. Enjoy ALL your lessons.
8. Take EVERY TEST as seriously as though you life depends on them.
9. Do CORRECTIONS.
10. Study HARD and review after EVERY CHAPTER.
11. Do NOT fail your tests on purpose. If you failed, that's because you didn't study hard enough.
12. By Mid Year, ACE your exams.
13. PWN EVERYONE else and TOP the cohort.
14. Pray to God, Do you part, and Leave the rest into the hands of God.
15. NEVER GIVE UP!

16. Make it a habit to blog every 2 days. :)

Toodles, peeps!

P.s Gie Mei, when you read this, don't throw spread what i wrote like cheap margarine. *shush* <3 I love you.

How many times can i break the last shadow

listening to The Sharpest LIves by My Chemical Romance

With the prelims just 10 days away, I am sure many of my friends, and shamefully me, are definetly not prepared. I know i shouldn't be saying this with just 10 days away but its an irrefutable fact that I will not score with flying colours with the standard i am now.

So to save myself from the inferno of hell, I shall start to study seriously. And with this, i pray for God to be with me through it all.

Physics, History and Chemistry, here's comes the kisses of Death!

Toodles, peeps!

P.S i miss aaron! D;

Facing the fragility of reality

listening to Time For Miracles by Adam Lambert

Ping. A slender finger lands with a perfect staccato on the high C note on the piano. No, it does not stop there. Without pausing, it immediately skipped to another note, like a bullet train chasing after a tight schedule. If the fingers were to breathe, they would have been out of breath, perhaps some 20 minutes ago. Such was the speed and force enforced upon the black and white keys. And yet, they never stop or slow down. Like a ballerina, the fingers delicately danced and twirl endlessly. In my mind, the tune never stopped as I sink deeper into my thoughts.

The pianist, whose name i shall not name, surprised me. He never had any proper training in music. Unlike me, he did not have to liberty nor the opportunity to receive music lessons. Mind you, i had had music lessons since I was 9 and i don't think i can play half as good as him. That very fact set me thinking. I am faced by a plain fact. I have been excusing myself for every stuff which i I can't do as well as others.

Simply, take class tests as an example. I always told ot myself that its just a class test. No big deal. I can always pass it. When i get my not-so-high marks, i would just ignore it to avoid the feeling. I call that escapism. Now that it occurred to me that O level is less than 100 days away. Frankly put, i freaked out. By excusing myself all the time has made me a complacent person.

As I sat down there listening to him play, i felt ashamed of myself. Truly ashamed. He tried hard, from scratch. Me? i have been spoonfed.

Dear god, please give me strength to be a stronger person. Just like that pianist that never gave up, and is still trying hard.

Toodles, peeps!

P.S Happy Bidet, Lyen. <3 You're 17 now.

Take the pain, take the pleasure, i'm the master of both.

listening to For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert

It's one thing to break up with a partner who cheated. But when the feeling of affection is mutual, the pain inflicted by a break-up is multiplied many times fold.

Our relationship was a rather an unusual one. It would fall neither to the category of 'open relationship' nor 'flings'. We really cherish each other. I like him and he likes me. That simple. There was nobody else. Just him and I.

The funny thing was it wasn't a third party butting in or him cheating on me that led to the break-up. It was academic difference. Our age may only differ by a months but academically wise, it is a 3-4 years gap. I would be in a university when he graduates high school. And i can't even predict if i will still be a local university here. That's just the briefest description i can give.

People say "Love conquers all". That set me thinking if I was not giving enough faith in this relationship. What i want is future security. Unless he can provide me that, things would probably turn out differently. Just being in love does not solve the matter, does it? I thought about it over and over again if I did the right thing. This searing pain is clouding my mind to reason. There is always a first for everything and i think this is my first heartbreak, perhaps. And it is painful.

I did not cry buckets of tears because i saw it coming. But i still cried all the same. Silently. I borrowed nobody's shoulder and just let myself cry my heart out. Rivulets of tears still streamed down last night. My only consolation was if I were to let go of him later, he might hurt even more. Afterall, me hurting silently, is better than seeing him crumbling inside out.

Dear God, is this farewell? I honestly don't know.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."