Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Take the pain, take the pleasure, i'm the master of both.

listening to For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert

It's one thing to break up with a partner who cheated. But when the feeling of affection is mutual, the pain inflicted by a break-up is multiplied many times fold.

Our relationship was a rather an unusual one. It would fall neither to the category of 'open relationship' nor 'flings'. We really cherish each other. I like him and he likes me. That simple. There was nobody else. Just him and I.

The funny thing was it wasn't a third party butting in or him cheating on me that led to the break-up. It was academic difference. Our age may only differ by a months but academically wise, it is a 3-4 years gap. I would be in a university when he graduates high school. And i can't even predict if i will still be a local university here. That's just the briefest description i can give.

People say "Love conquers all". That set me thinking if I was not giving enough faith in this relationship. What i want is future security. Unless he can provide me that, things would probably turn out differently. Just being in love does not solve the matter, does it? I thought about it over and over again if I did the right thing. This searing pain is clouding my mind to reason. There is always a first for everything and i think this is my first heartbreak, perhaps. And it is painful.

I did not cry buckets of tears because i saw it coming. But i still cried all the same. Silently. I borrowed nobody's shoulder and just let myself cry my heart out. Rivulets of tears still streamed down last night. My only consolation was if I were to let go of him later, he might hurt even more. Afterall, me hurting silently, is better than seeing him crumbling inside out.

Dear God, is this farewell? I honestly don't know.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

Monday, July 19, 2010

i should have stolen every moment

listening to Love Who You Love by Rascal Flatts

Today there was an influx of students from China. Its probably a student exchange program. 2 were sent to spend the day with my class. The girl's name is Ye Zhi which literally translate to leaf. I nearly let my tongue slip to pronounce Ye Zhi which intones coconut. In my inner-mind theatre, i was doubling over with laughter. I probably sound mean now but no pun and offense intended. Cheers!

Class was pretty normal today. What more can you expect? Its a Monday morning and yeah, the word Monday tells it all. The blues, the yawns, the weary eyes. The lot.

I reckon this week is going to be quite busy. I ran through this week's schedule on my mind and yes, i am so NOT pleased with it. Your Highness here is not pleased! Bah!!!

Over with the melodrama, I think i should start to run on a regular basis. I can feel the fats layering. AND i should start studying seriously now. That would mean less online time.

Alright, I shall go and finish my work or i won't be able to get my beauty sleep. Which is bad for my skin. Which is bad for... everything? Sorry i ran out of words. Haha.

Toodles, peeps!

P.S i bought a pair of thinning scissors to cut my hair whenever i am pissed with my fringe. :D

Sunday, July 18, 2010

but i've been thinking, maybe i better i stay in bed

My eyes were like a fogged up lens of a camera when i woke up this morning. Perhaps I sat upright too quickly, my mind went groggy. Probably some time passed before I can actually think straight. I peered outside the window. The sky was rather moody today. There was a lot of cotton candy on the sky. Signs of incoming rain? Probably.

Hmm its sunday and i'm lazing in my bed. I planned to study but i feel no motivation. This is bad isn't it?

OKAY! *mustering up motivation* I SHALL STUDY NOW!

Toodles, peeps!

Friday, July 16, 2010

HAHAHA

Hello! I love my new layout! :D