How many times can i break the last shadow

listening to The Sharpest LIves by My Chemical Romance

With the prelims just 10 days away, I am sure many of my friends, and shamefully me, are definetly not prepared. I know i shouldn't be saying this with just 10 days away but its an irrefutable fact that I will not score with flying colours with the standard i am now.

So to save myself from the inferno of hell, I shall start to study seriously. And with this, i pray for God to be with me through it all.

Physics, History and Chemistry, here's comes the kisses of Death!

Toodles, peeps!

P.S i miss aaron! D;

Facing the fragility of reality

listening to Time For Miracles by Adam Lambert

Ping. A slender finger lands with a perfect staccato on the high C note on the piano. No, it does not stop there. Without pausing, it immediately skipped to another note, like a bullet train chasing after a tight schedule. If the fingers were to breathe, they would have been out of breath, perhaps some 20 minutes ago. Such was the speed and force enforced upon the black and white keys. And yet, they never stop or slow down. Like a ballerina, the fingers delicately danced and twirl endlessly. In my mind, the tune never stopped as I sink deeper into my thoughts.

The pianist, whose name i shall not name, surprised me. He never had any proper training in music. Unlike me, he did not have to liberty nor the opportunity to receive music lessons. Mind you, i had had music lessons since I was 9 and i don't think i can play half as good as him. That very fact set me thinking. I am faced by a plain fact. I have been excusing myself for every stuff which i I can't do as well as others.

Simply, take class tests as an example. I always told ot myself that its just a class test. No big deal. I can always pass it. When i get my not-so-high marks, i would just ignore it to avoid the feeling. I call that escapism. Now that it occurred to me that O level is less than 100 days away. Frankly put, i freaked out. By excusing myself all the time has made me a complacent person.

As I sat down there listening to him play, i felt ashamed of myself. Truly ashamed. He tried hard, from scratch. Me? i have been spoonfed.

Dear god, please give me strength to be a stronger person. Just like that pianist that never gave up, and is still trying hard.

Toodles, peeps!

P.S Happy Bidet, Lyen. <3 You're 17 now.

Take the pain, take the pleasure, i'm the master of both.

listening to For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert

It's one thing to break up with a partner who cheated. But when the feeling of affection is mutual, the pain inflicted by a break-up is multiplied many times fold.

Our relationship was a rather an unusual one. It would fall neither to the category of 'open relationship' nor 'flings'. We really cherish each other. I like him and he likes me. That simple. There was nobody else. Just him and I.

The funny thing was it wasn't a third party butting in or him cheating on me that led to the break-up. It was academic difference. Our age may only differ by a months but academically wise, it is a 3-4 years gap. I would be in a university when he graduates high school. And i can't even predict if i will still be a local university here. That's just the briefest description i can give.

People say "Love conquers all". That set me thinking if I was not giving enough faith in this relationship. What i want is future security. Unless he can provide me that, things would probably turn out differently. Just being in love does not solve the matter, does it? I thought about it over and over again if I did the right thing. This searing pain is clouding my mind to reason. There is always a first for everything and i think this is my first heartbreak, perhaps. And it is painful.

I did not cry buckets of tears because i saw it coming. But i still cried all the same. Silently. I borrowed nobody's shoulder and just let myself cry my heart out. Rivulets of tears still streamed down last night. My only consolation was if I were to let go of him later, he might hurt even more. Afterall, me hurting silently, is better than seeing him crumbling inside out.

Dear God, is this farewell? I honestly don't know.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

i should have stolen every moment

listening to Love Who You Love by Rascal Flatts

Today there was an influx of students from China. Its probably a student exchange program. 2 were sent to spend the day with my class. The girl's name is Ye Zhi which literally translate to leaf. I nearly let my tongue slip to pronounce Ye Zhi which intones coconut. In my inner-mind theatre, i was doubling over with laughter. I probably sound mean now but no pun and offense intended. Cheers!

Class was pretty normal today. What more can you expect? Its a Monday morning and yeah, the word Monday tells it all. The blues, the yawns, the weary eyes. The lot.

I reckon this week is going to be quite busy. I ran through this week's schedule on my mind and yes, i am so NOT pleased with it. Your Highness here is not pleased! Bah!!!

Over with the melodrama, I think i should start to run on a regular basis. I can feel the fats layering. AND i should start studying seriously now. That would mean less online time.

Alright, I shall go and finish my work or i won't be able to get my beauty sleep. Which is bad for my skin. Which is bad for... everything? Sorry i ran out of words. Haha.

Toodles, peeps!

P.S i bought a pair of thinning scissors to cut my hair whenever i am pissed with my fringe. :D

but i've been thinking, maybe i better i stay in bed

My eyes were like a fogged up lens of a camera when i woke up this morning. Perhaps I sat upright too quickly, my mind went groggy. Probably some time passed before I can actually think straight. I peered outside the window. The sky was rather moody today. There was a lot of cotton candy on the sky. Signs of incoming rain? Probably.

Hmm its sunday and i'm lazing in my bed. I planned to study but i feel no motivation. This is bad isn't it?

OKAY! *mustering up motivation* I SHALL STUDY NOW!

Toodles, peeps!

HAHAHA

Hello! I love my new layout! :D

Dead Beat.

I'm too tired to blog today. I've just got back from Bishan and I'm as dead as fish. It has been an exhilarating day and I'm out of fuel to continue to function. So I'm going to hit the sack first. Tata!

Colour of the skin, huh?

This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2006 and is written by an
African Kid .

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored? 

Ironic isn't it? Ponder over this and treat your friends in a better way. You never know how bad they felt deep down. Before it's too late, mend your fences, people!

Mrs Nedu to Tinseltown!

I couldn't blog yesterday due to the terrible internet connection. Wait, there was no internet connection at all, so to speak. Just when I desperately need it. :C Ironic isn't it? When you need something very badly, it's just not there. But when you don't need it, it comes in abundance. Sometimes, I swear, I wonder if God's having a joke with me or something. C: Haha. 

Today Mrs Nedu, my class teacher came in yet another dress again. I have to say, I am very much in awe of the size of her wardrobe and the depth of her husband's wallet. Since I entered this school in term 2, I have only seen her in the same dress on two occasion for 3 dresses. Meaning to say, other than 3 dresses on 6 days, other days, she'll be in different dresses. That should make up about 270 dresses per year. *feign horror O____O* My dearest class teacher, you're well on your way to Tinseltown! :]

I participate in the American Maths Competition today and it was like 50-50 for me. I don't really like it but that doesn't mean that I hate it too. Either way, there's a high chance that I might screw it up so let's just leave it at that. 

On a totally unrelated note, I think this guy at the hostel is quite cute! C: He's a Korean and he looks really adorable somehow. Perhaps it's the way he dresses? He adds minute but prominent details into his clothes that sets him apart from the crowd. Before you guys thinks I'm heads over heels for him, he's just an eye-candy. A sweet one. As of my relation status, after much consideration and thinking, I think I'm better off single. For the time being. C:

Oh, to the unknown guy who sent me a card, thank you!

Adios! 

Bummed out

I just got back from Sengkang and I feel exactly as tired as that dog. It was as though life had been sucked out of me. Deliberately. :C And I still have a pile of homework to do. Poor me. Comfort, anyone? No? :C I shall go to a corner and emo while trying to join my index figure like Tamaki. 

The sulking prince. Like me.